you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
