After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
