I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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