i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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