God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
