There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
