A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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