I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
