it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
sarcasm needs its own font
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I touched a dick in church today
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
