I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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