i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
