Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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