I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
