Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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