We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
