Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
