thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
