Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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