Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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