K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
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I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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