Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
