dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
