Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
