people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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