Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
