I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
