I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
