When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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