R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
