i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
