I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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