Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
