ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
