So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
