Just fell off a train. Bad.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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