dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You are a genius and a whore.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
