Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
