There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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