last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
