Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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