She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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