he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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