i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize
