Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
