i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
