Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
3 2 1 whiskey
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
