remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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