True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
