where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
