i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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