two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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