So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
