I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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