this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
