ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
