I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
