he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
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All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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