I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
