My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
