So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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