anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
