You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
