I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
