God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
