4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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