Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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