The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
