I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You're a waste of cheezeits
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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