Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
