i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
