bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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