i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just threw up on my dentist
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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