If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
