I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Boobs speak an international language.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
