we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
